On days like today, when fatigue causes me to sleep longer than usual, when I am so pressed for time that my prayers are rushed and mechanical, I can tell the difference. If I missed a meal or forgot to brush my teeth or neglected to dress in clean clothes, the effect would be no more dramatic than the missed appointment in the great throne room of grace.
So today, I felt in my soul's bones the want of spiritual intimacy, the vital presence that has come to be more precious to me than oxygen. Not only was I spiritually cold, I was spiritually unarmed. And unarmed is no way to be when one faces a day like today.
I met with a nursing home admissions director today at lunch. He generously allowed me to pick his brain for a long time, answered my questions, gave me good advice, and offered counsel if I need it in the future. But his words, his advice, his information...they were heavy, burdensome, worrisome, ominous. We have much work to do in order to help Mother, and time is of the essence, and there are many obstacles before us. Even with the firsthand knowledge of how faithful the Father is, I felt myself become overwhelmed this afternoon. I was low and dark, and my heart was sick within me.
When I left for work, the girls all said, "Goodnight, PeePaw. See you in the morning." I waved and said, "See y'all tomorrow."
When I got home, I cleaned up a few things, then sat down to study for my upcoming Sunday School class on the four gospels. I went pretty quickly into a little private place, lost in the words of scripture and commentators. And then there was a knock at the door. But the knock sounded funny. It was coming from the front door. I went to the door and opened it, and there were...five of the ladies from work. Lisa, Sally, Sandy, Jamie, and Holly. I stared at them for a long time, and then they all shouted, "Hi, PeePaw!"
Butternut hissed at them, naturally.
I finally invited them into the house and in they came, each carrying something in her arms. When all were inside, they went to the kitchen and placed an entire feast on the counters. Fried chicken, home-canned green beans, home grown creamed corn, yeast rolls, four kinds of fresh sliced fruit, brownies, coffee cake, and some sort of ambrosia-like dessert made of CoolWhip, oranges, pineapples, and coconut. They even brought styrofoam plates and plastic cutlery and napkins so we wouldn't have to do dishes.
"Why?" I asked.
"Because we love you. Because we wanted to."
I pressed for a better reason, but all I got was, "You're going through a bad time now. We love you and MeeMaw and didn't want you to have to worry about cooking, at least for a night or two."
God uses means to accomplish His methods, and the means He used in sending the girls to our home tonight have left us humbled, grateful, and full of love for Him Who has loved us before He brought us into being.
The girls wanted to get home to their own families (they drove a half-hour one-way just to come out and deliver the food), but they wanted a tour first. So we collectively toured the house, and then the yard, and most of the rest of us toured the south pasture while MeeMaw and Lisa sat in the house and visited. The girls picked ripe apples from our tree and declared them very tasty and fit for human consumption. Jamie asked if she can come back and pick some more for frying and for pies. I gave her our blessing, since we probably won't have the time to devote to a lot of apple picking in the coming days and weeks. Old Gus the Bassett hound came over and got lots of lovin' from the girls, too.
By 7:15, the girls were leaving, but we insisted on a photo. MeeMaw took one of us, and then I set the timer and got one of all of us together. Then each of the girls hugged both of us and told us that they loved us, and they drove away under the tulip poplars, waving back at us. We came inside and had a banquet.
We both feel refreshed. Blessed and refreshed. I started the day unarmed, and God ended it by encouraging and energizing me. Later, MeeMaw and I stood outside in the dark, staring up into the diamond-studded sky, and MeeMaw prayed that God would provide for our needs in the coming battle with my sister, the nursing home industry, and insurance companies. On such a night, how can we doubt that He will lead and provide? How can we ever doubt His faithfulness, seeing that He has never been anything but faithful?
And now MeeMaw is handing me a dish (one of the ones Mother gave us years ago) loaded with the ambrosia dessert and a slab of brownie. I must go and take victuals.
Oh, and by the way...MeeMaw was in on the whole thing. Conspiratorial women.
