A Monday update for y'all...things are peaceful and blessed here at Possum Cough. At this early point in my narrative, a Yankee would say, "The weatherman is forecasting possible ice for tomorrow morning..." But I'll say it the way my people say it: Johnny Wood [the local iconic news anchor] is givin' out ice for tomorrow. MeeMaw and I are hoping that the Lord will spare us that particular meteorological treat, at least until we get to work. We can make it through any sort of weather except ice. That's the one thing at which we won't even make a half-hearted stab.
I made it through the colonoscopy just fine. We arrived at the surgery center about a half-hour early, and the receptionist at the check-in desk turned out to be one of my patients from work. We were checked in very quickly and took our seats in the waiting room, expecting a long period of reading before being called back. But after only about 10 minutes, they called, so MeeMaw and I went on back.
The very nice nurses escorted us to my "room," instructed me to remove all clothing except my socks, and to don the very fashionable backless gown and hop into bed. They asked me questions through the curtain while I complied with these instructions. After I was in bed, the nurses came in, piled heated blankets on me (oh, the bliss of certain modcons!), and asked me a long list of other questions. While the interrogation was going on, a young nurse hooked me up to the Dynamap to take my blood pressure and pulse/ox, and she started my IV (she was a good sticker, too...only took her one attempt). We sat and waited for a while, and MeeMaw took a photo of me.
Next, Doctor Shone came in and visited with us. He explained that after the surgery, he would come and get MeeMaw and fill her in on how things went. He left, and immediately after he did, the nurses came back to take me to surgery. MeeMaw gave me a kiss and we all went a-wheelin' down the hall - me to the OR, she to the private waiting room for MeeMaws.
Once in the OR, I was greeted by yet another nurse, Melanie. Very friendly, very talkative, she explained in detail (again) what was going to happen. Then she dimmed the lights and hooked me up to a large multipanel ICU-type monitor, on which I could see my cardiac activity, respiratory activity, pulse/ox, blood pressure, etc. I was amazed at how normal my BP stayed throughout the entire thing.
Melanie put some music on - classic rock. "Do you like Steely Dan?" she asked.
"Anything but rap or hip-hop," I said.
She screwed her face up in disgust. "Oh, I hate rap and hip hop. There's no beauty in it at all."
A philosopher nurse, I thought. And a canny one, at that.
We chatted for a while as we awaited the word from the doc that he was ready to come in. As soon as we got the word, Melanie brought out two syringes and picked up the port on my IV. "I'm going to give you two drugs. One is a narcotic (she told me the name, but I can't recall it) and the other is a mild hypnotic (I can't recall it's name, either). I'll monitor you, and when you stop talking to me or answering my questions, we'll know you're relaxed enough to begin."
She lowered the head of my bed and asked me to roll over onto my left side. She got me comfortable and asked if I felt okay. I tried to answer, but I felt myself slipping into a warm silence. But as I slipped away, I could have sworn I heard banjo music. And the sound of Bill McKinney laughing...
I opened my eyes. I was in the recovery room, and MeeMaw was sitting there, watching me closely. I said, "Is it over?"
"Yes, it is," said MeeMaw.
I went back into my dream place.
This happened a couple more times, and then I finally woke up and said, "Is it over?" and MeeMaw answered again, patiently, "Yes, it is." And then I asked, "Did you talk to the doctor?"
MeeMaw said that yes, she had.
"What did he say?"
MeeMaw answered, "The doc said everything went just fine. They found one polyp in you, and they removed it. They'll biopsy it just as a matter of standard procedure, but Dr. Shone said he's not at all worried about it, based on how it looked."
I paused for a minute. Then I looked at my beloved.
"Is it over?" I asked.
"Yes, it is," said MeeMaw.
"Did you talk to the doctor?"
"Yes, I did," said MeeMaw.
"What did he say?"
MeeMaw answered, "The doc said everything went just fine. They found one polyp in you, and they removed it. They'll biopsy it just as a matter of standard procedure, but Dr. Shone said he's not at all worried about it, based on how it looked."
I rested for a few minutes, then looked over at MeeMaw.
"Is it over?" I asked.
"Yes, it is," said MeeMaw.
"Did you talk to the doctor?"
"Yes, I did," said MeeMaw.
"What did he say?"
MeeMaw suppressed a smile and answered, "The doc said everything went just fine. They found one polyp in you, and they removed it. They'll biopsy it just as a matter of standard procedure, but Dr. Shone said he's not at all worried about it, based on how it looked."
After this happened a few times, a nurse showed up and said that I could go home and sleep. A few parting instructions, and MeeMaw helped me get dressed. She left the room, and I seem to recall that I dozed off again, and when I opened my eyes, I was in a wheelchair, being eased through a doorway. There was MeeMaw, waiting in the car. The nurse helped me into the car, said good-bye, and we left.
All the way home, I dozed on and off. I woke up at various points and said, "I didn't know we were here." And then I would look over at MeeMaw as she piloted the car and I would ask, "Is it over?"
"Yes, it is," MeeMaw would say.
"Did you talk to the doctor?"
"Yes, I did," MeeMaw would say.
"What did he say?"
MeeMaw would drive and smile and giggle, but she always answered, "The doc said everything went just fine. They found one polyp in you, and they removed it. They'll biopsy it just as a matter of standard procedure, but Dr. Shone said he's not at all worried about it, based on how it looked."
About halfway home, I lifted my head from my druggie daze and announced, "I want some fried livin' chickers."
MeeMaw asked me to repeat myself.
"I said I want some fried livin' chickers."
"I see." The very picture of amused patience, driving her invalid husband back up into the mountains.
When we arrived at Possum Cough, MeeMaw fed me the most delicious piece of buttered toast I've ever eaten in my 49 years. About a half hour later, I drowsed my way through some scrambled eggs and more toast. Then I stretched out on the couch, under the loving eye of my bride, and I slept for four hours.
When I finally awoke, I was fuzzy-headed and mush-mouthed, but I was ravenous. MeeMaw served me some stew from the crockpot along with some homemade cornbread. Oh, and homemade cookies. I ate and ate, and we talked and talked. None of what I said made any sense. But we had a good time just the same.
Most of the drugs have worn off now. Now I'm mellow and warm and still hungry. I took a bath, and MeeMaw took a photo of the event.
Everything went extry-well. We're pleased and grateful, and now it's time to rejoin the land of the articulate.
God be praised for His care of such a creature as I. And God be praised for giving me the wife who demonstrates her love on such a regular, consistent basis. I am a blessed man.
Goodnight, loved ones.
